im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
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