I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
