i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
