1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
