It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
