Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
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