I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
