You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
it's like heaven, but drunker
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
