took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
i now understand why vodka
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
