I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
PANTIES FOUND
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