I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
