How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
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