in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
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