My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Randomize
