The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
