sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
