If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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