the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
splinters make it hard to masturbate
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
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