evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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