I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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