College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
