Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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