What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Randomize