Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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