is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
