people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
