I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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