There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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