What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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