My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
