her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
