Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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