Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Everyone says I win the strip club
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
