I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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