Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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