Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize