forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
