I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Randomize
