T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
