you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
