Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
