Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Randomize
