I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
