It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
