South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
