Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
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