the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Every concussion has its silver lining
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
