Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
