matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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