He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
