At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
