I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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