who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
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