He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
he fucked my hip out of place.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
