guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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