the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
