What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
