god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
