sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
