Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
