I just threw up on my dentist
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
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