TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
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