hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
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