Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I can tuck mytits in my pants
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
they're like a gay fantastic four
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
