I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
