our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize