If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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