Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I just got carded by a ten year old.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
