we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
