i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
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