How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize