We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
